This is one in a series of monthly articles from Gretchen Rubin’s book: The Happiness Project.
November Happiness Project is Attitude: Becoming lighthearted, rather than grumpy, can put you in a happy and positive frame of mind. Keep on reading to find some interesting thoughts and answers from Gretchen Rubin.
Instead of focusing on my actions, I focused on my attitude. I wanted to cultivate a lighthearted, loving and kind spirit. If I could put myself into that frame of mind, it would be easier to stick to all my other resolutions.
Gretchen picked some areas where she wanted to pursue more of her passions to create happiness. I am paraphrasing them here:
- Laugh out loud. Laughter can boost immunity along with lower blood pressure and cortisol levels. When responding to situations with laughter, we give up our pride, our defensiveness and our self-centeredness. In other words, it is healthy to spend time laughing out loud.
- Use good manners. This area includes not only the typical practice of saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, but also talks about avoiding combativeness. Instead of disagreeing or correcting ideas, say something positive about it!
- Give positive reviews. Going along with using good manners, avoid being critical. The best way to accomplish this is to avoid negative statements by saying something positive. Gretchen decided to play a week of “Pollyanna” — a solid week of no negative comments!
- Find an area of refuge. People tend to have a negative bias. It often seems easier to dwell on negative thoughts. Create an ‘area of refuge’ in your mind to combat the tendency to negative thoughts. This area can consist of happy memories, thought about your loved ones, even making up stories helps.
Working on my attitude is a life-long endeavor. Once I think I have it mastered, the ole ugly negative side of me pops out! But one thing I’ve learned is to laugh often — especially at myself. (PS. I’ve often told people that Malcolm married me because I laughed at all his silly jokes!!)
After reading this section, I realized that I don’t practice good manners enough. I can be combative and critical at times. This is definitely an area I need to work on more.
For finding an ‘area of refuge’, I go to prayer and/or meditation. Even practicing pausing before I respond is helpful. The time I spend away from the situation typically allows me to calm down and avoid responding when it is not necessary.
Gretchen listed one closing statement in her section on the November Happiness Project that I thought was profound: “… if I keep my resolutions and do the things that make me happier, I end up feeling happier and acting more virtuously. Do good, feel good; feel good, do good.”