Last week, I talked about letting go and walking away. As I worked through this process, I realized I needed to start with non-judgment before I could successfully let go.
My first instinct when I am in conflict is to blame someone, which can be me or the other person. Blame requires judgment. But when I stop and think it through, I realize that things may not be what they seem. If I can’t see beyond my judgment about the situation of the person involved, I cannot forgive and can’t walk away.
What has worked for me in the past is to, yes, be angry and frustrated. I cannot deny my feelings. Then I start thinking about all the good things this person or this situation has influenced in my life. That process always eases the anxiety, at least for me!
I didn’t always react and process this way. Typically, my feelings would get hurt, and I would stay in that mode for way too long.
Non-Judgment Teacher
Honestly, the spiritual teacher who has taught me so much about non-judgment and forgiveness is Rev. Dr. Michelle Wadleigh. Personally, I have taken her Forgiveness Course (and Shadow Work) several times over the last 5-6 years. Each time I have taken her class, I have learned something more! And, of course, through repeated teaching, I have come to embrace more and more of the principles.
Rev. Michelle has recently published a new and expanded version of her Forgiveness Workbook. It is an excellent guide for learning these principles.
According to Rev. Michelle: “We must forgive only after we have judged and condemned another. Cease the judging and condemnation and you cease needing to forgive!”
She goes on to say: “Become curious. A critical thing is to remember: Judgment and curiosity cannot exist in the same place at the same time.” This is how I learned to look for the good in people or situations. When we become curious about a person or situation, judgment tends to lessen.
Like I said, Rev. Michelle’s expanded version of her Forgiveness Workbook is now on the bookshelves of many of your favorite bookstores. Or you can order it online. Check out the options here.
If you are challenged by judgment and non-forgiveness (towards others or towards yourself), I highly recommend her classes and workshops. You can sign up for her courses on the subject. Check out the options here.